Discovery Channel

We had this phone call about doing something with discovery channel it was hard to understand what they wanted but i recognised the words CAR CRUSH so i just said yes no problem. It turned out these weren't your normal Luvies, these were the arty hi brow ones making an in fill to go between all the programs on discovery for the next year or so, bit like those fools tap dancing on ally checker plate on the BBC so they wanted to start with droplets of water rolling down a highly waxed bonnet of a car with a big wobbly 7 litre engine, i should have guessed really.

Luckily we keep an old full race Aston martin knocking about the farm that has just that sort of engine, then they wanted a few wheel spins and shots of the rev counter and exhaust smoke etc easy stuff really.

The next shot they wanted was a flock of birds flapping away looking scared so we used sheep instead, Luckily we had Colin on site 12 years in the SAS knows all about sheep told me how he had gutted ! One once with his killing knife and hid inside its carcase for a fortnight behind enemy lines in Macclesfield. Any way we herded a massive flock together slung a bucket of food in the middle to hold them then let a thunder flash off next to them the film crew jumped out of their skin and the sheep just carried on eating .Luckily we had Colin the expert, He shouted Plan B and with a blood curdling battle cry dropped his keggs, worked a treat never seen a film crew look so scared and the sheep ran away too. Turns out SAS stands for *hag all sheep Saturdays and Sundays.

The film crew had commissioned Colin earlier to manufacture a mechanical device to produce ripples on a large puddle while i drove a stalwart by it, it’s debatable whether this would have worked, luckily i ran it over and we finished the shoot slapping the water with a shovel.

The final shot was of a car crush which i expected the rather glamorous camera girl to do, it being a girl thing really .But no they wanted me to do it .Funny thing is we crush hundreds of cars here but its very rare i do it .Anyway with a bit of luck yours truly will have his toothy grin between every program on discovery for the next 6 months Fame at last, Parkinson next i bet.